Green Green Grass of Home

last last night
just last last night, i had one of those horrible dreams again. it was like a war field. between me and you. i was thrashing all tat i have been keeping inside of me out. throwing them out of my body, removing the poison that i have been accumulating within.

everyting felt so real. i was holding back my tears putting on the brave front just to save myself some face, some pride. i'm not an egoistic person but i have enuff being humiliated by you. i tried to let go but you carried on with your dirty tactics and i hae no other way but to retaliate.

i was fighting so hard in my dreams. and when i had finished my piece, i woke up, i broke down. i dun hate you becoz hating someone requires energy and i dun wan to hae a place for you in my heart. it doesnt mean i had forgiven you, all i want is you out of my life. you'd ruined a third of my life so far.

i didnt hae the choice to choose. i was borned into it. i m just unlucky to hae tis dehumanizing fucker in my life.

tat fucker who woke me up at 6.34am on the first day of lunar new year. i woke up preparing my infamous fabricated smile putting away the battle knowing we will meet again soon and your deeds will kill you one day.

i hate to hae tis internal struggle. it's mentally exhausting and a total waste of my time.

i felt so stupid after everyting ended.
will it ever go away?

blabber jabber @
10:42 PM

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