Green Green Grass of Home

everyting was going smoothly tat nite. nth unusual will happen. tat's wat i thought but i was terribly wrong.

the feeling was piercing. it went right thru my chest into my heart and out from my back. i was confused and distracted. i dun understand wat i was feeling. dunnoe why tat was happening. it's too sudden.

i needed someone to tok to, not just a listener. i needed someone to analyse me. to tell me wat the hell was wrong. i dun need consolation. i dun need pity. i just want someone to understand me. to help understand myself.

i was fortunate to hae you. even though we dun behave like the usual 'bestfren', we dun meet up often, only once or twice a yr, we dun call each other often , but if we do every phone call will take up 2 3 hours, nonetheless we are very aware of one another's life. i dunoe how we manage tat , we just do.

you're a good listener and not just tat, you're able to read my mind. you 'predict' my future and expose my undesirable thoughts. not many 'dare' to oppose me becoz of my quick temper but you are able to do it and often leave me speechless. 'coz wat you normally say is true. so true. sometimes i dun even know tat i was acting tat way.

am i living in denial? did he trigger off someting in me? everyting tat i thought i had let go 2 yrs ago? you keep telling me tat it wasnt totally over, tat i only let it sink back to a corner of my mind. is it still in me? really? tat i nv learn? repeating the same mistake over and over again? am i too softhearted?

you kept reiterating tat i should cut off all contacts with him but there's sth pulling me back. maybe i hadnt put down anyting.

maybe you are stil in me..

I dun love you like i love you yesterday...

blabber jabber @
5:23 PM

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -