Wednesday, August 06, 2008
my whole head almost exploded on sat. and the pain came and went throughout the afternoon. tat's why i woke up late, des. i wasnt doing nth at home. i was nursing a headache =(
put on my best behaviour at des' hse. nise wanted to get her nails painted. tried on green and blue. decided on blue and it came off a little weird, to her. i used to hae blue toenails too. you just need some getting use to it and everyting will be alrite.
re-watched Pan's labyrinth. watch it and love it. we took over 3 hours to get the nails done. the result was.. er, COOL. yea, cool blue. had a quick dinner, met gugu to pick up the rest.
we had a long chat tat nite. there were some awkward silence after some roaring laughter, some past were dug up, circled ard and buried back deep down, some appreciation for the company, the surrounding, some nite. we'll go back there again.
sun was a full-day-tuition. sucks. headache was stil hanging ard and i had a frightening thought. wat if the headache was caused by a t*****?!??! is there sth in my brain? sth under my thick skull tat is causing the pain? sth bad. sth scary. sth dangerous. sth tat can take away my life. sth tat i cannot think of. i started scaring myself with tis shit for the whole day. i hae so many places i yet to go, things i yet to try, ppl i yet to meet. i m not even 21 yet.. oohh, god.
had an early rest on sun and everyting was FINE on monday. did miracle happen or wat?
------
some things in life is not by choice. some would sae they can control their own fate, their own destiny but is tis really the case? if you're tinking tat money can make all wonders. create the truth, the life you want it to be. buy your way thru but are you sure you will be able to move into the fancy house with it's done. drive tat lambor ard the town. study in a reputable institution.will you stil be ard? you nv know wat will happen at the nx second.
some things in life is not by choice. if you cant hae it your way, life stil goes on. accept it and take the best alternative. you cant just stop there and start blaming god for being unfair. the world is nv fair and the only way to go ard it is to be fair to yourself. treat yourself the way you deserved.
i cant choose the ppl i meet and i cant choose whether they will love me or loathe me. i cant choose how i will become in the future, wat i can do. i can only wait and see wat is lined up for me.
------
sometimes, she felt like cancelling the ppl in her circle, deleting ppl from her mind. she's fed up with hypocrites and lies. the clowns in her life. clowns with beautiful masks tat make ppl laugh. clowns with sharpened knives hidden in their hats ready to attack the innocent audience.
why must she see the ugly side of life? why cant she just laugh with the rest and get assaulted without knowing why? why must she hae a mind of her own? why did she choose to watch the clowns act?
ima just tired. you know why my head hurts so much recently. sometimes, even my heart.
I can’t explain all my pain.
blabber jabber
@
1:15 AM
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
- - - - - - - -
